Red ones with gold characters
Discovered
By the un-oriental, and who knew our culture but us?
Amount you gave me that year, Cousin, we won't know.
And it's too rude to ask.
Recover the love letters
Entitled with all your names, all of them
And I stopped writing them only because
They were (no longer)
between us.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
frozen lake
Three bags of cocaine
Led your two month old baby boyto me
Rest assurred,
I will kiss his tiny face to sleep
Until he feels adored.
And his sister, your daughterIs the most beautiful little girl I've seen
She made up her own rules for tic tac toe
She was x and I was o, o, oh.
For one night they will stay near the beach
And for two weeks
They will play with the horses
(Shame baby's not old enough to "neigh")
Nanna,
Come flying on a jet plane
Scoop up the babies
I hope you have a good relationship
Cos you will raise the kids from now
I wonder if you were more desperatefor love or moneyDid he make grandiose promises like
"I'll be your man baby,
I'll be the one to protect your kids"
A ma with bubs is so unsuspecting
What shall we say to your offspring?
That Ma wants you to go skate in the frozen lake down the park 'cross the street
While she attends to business overseas (?)
Young lady
As you fall asleep on your knees
If you could wish for one thing from us
If you could wish for one thing from us
I know it would be to see her again
Mama,
Come back on a jet plane and
Scoop up your babies
I hope that when it's explained to them
They don't discredit your love
Say goodbye
As you embrace her and your little man
Say goodbye
As you embrace her and your little man
I hope you maintain the relationship
Cos you won't see your babies for a while.
Jessica Santosa Music
Copyright 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Currency
Every time I'm stoned on the couch
My newborn baby cries:
"You have withheld your love from me again"
Every time I judge you
As I walk down the street
The Holy Spirit grieves.
Every time I blog
About the selfishness of Westerners,
I allow you no chance to defend yourself.
Every time I abruptly answer you
One ear hole is blocked
With an extra mouth
All the times
I fight wars with petrol bombs
In the name of God
I am endorsing belief in anything but-
Every time I refuse to make plans with you
It means I really think
I am better than you
Every time I pay another woman to sleep with me
It's not cheating it's variety
I am the fool.
And each time I fall in love
With the flesh and blood because I am lonely
I keep saying,
eternity is not good enough
I want the temporary.
eternity is not good enough
I want the temporary.
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me.
Psalm 66:20
My newborn baby cries:
"You have withheld your love from me again"
Every time I judge you
As I walk down the street
The Holy Spirit grieves.
Every time I blog
About the selfishness of Westerners,
I allow you no chance to defend yourself.
Every time I abruptly answer you
One ear hole is blocked
With an extra mouth
All the times
I fight wars with petrol bombs
In the name of God
I am endorsing belief in anything but-
Every time I refuse to make plans with you
It means I really think
I am better than you
Every time I pay another woman to sleep with me
It's not cheating it's variety
I am the fool.
And each time I fall in love
With the flesh and blood because I am lonely
I keep saying,
eternity is not good enough
I want the temporary.
eternity is not good enough
I want the temporary.
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me.
Psalm 66:20
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
This is what is wrong with us.
I am so excited.
Brother Yun is coming to Sydney this Sunday!
He is behind "The Heavenly Man".
I wanted to type out an excerpt from his autobiography explaining the iron bar non-surrender of the Western world. I don't care how harsh this is. You and I both need to hear this.
-------------------------------------------------------------
From page 296:
Many pastors in Europe and America have told me they want to see great revival. I'm frequently asked why China is experiencing revival but most places in the West are not. This is a big question to answer, but some reasons are very apparent to me.
When I'm in the West I see all the mighty church buildings and all the expensive equipment, plush carpets and state-of-the-art sound systems. I can assure the Western church with absolute certainty that you don't need any more church buildings. Church buildings will never bring the revival you seek. The pursuit of more possessions will never bring revival. Jesus truly stated, "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15.
The first thing needed to return to your churches is the Word of the Lord. God's Word is missing. Sure, there are many preachers and tapes and videos of Bible teaching, but so little contains that sharp truth of God's Word. It's the truth that will set you free.
Not only is knowledge of God's Word missing, but obedience to that Word. There's not much action taking place.
When revival came to believers in China, the result was thousands of evangelists being sent out to all corners of the nation, carrying fire from the altar of God with them. When God moves in the West, it seems you want to stop and enjoy His presence and blessings too long, and build an altar to your experiences.
You can never really know the Scriptures until you're willing to be changed by them.
All genuine revivals of the Lord result in believers responding with action and soul winning. When God truly moves in your heart you cannot remain silent. There will be a fire in your bones, like Jeremiah, who said, "His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9.
Furthermore, it's only when we step out in obedience and share the gospel with people that we come to know God's blessing in every are of our lives. That is why the Apostle Paul wrote to his co-worker Philemon, "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ." Philemon 6.
I've seen people in Western churches worshipping as if they're already in heaven. Then someone invariably brings a comforting message like "My children, I love you. Don't be afraid, I am with you." I'm not opposed to such words, but why is it that nobody seems to hear a Word from the Lord like "My child, I want to send you to the slums of Asia or the darkness of Africa to be my messenger to people dying of their sin"?
Multitudes of church members in the West are satisfied with giving their minimum to God, not their maximum. I've watched men and women during offering time in church. They open their fat wallets and search for the smallest amount they can give. This type of attitude will never do! Jesus gave his whole life for us, and we give as little of our lives, time and money as we can back to God. What a disgrace! Repent!
This may sound strange, but I even miss the offerings we used to give in China. On numerous occasions the leader of a meeting would announce, "We have a new worker who is leaving tomorrow to serve the Lord." Immediately every single person would completely empty their pockets of everything they had. With that money the worker would buy a train or bus ticket and leave the next day.
Often this money was not just everything we had in our pockets at the time, but everything we owned in the whole world.
Just because you have a church building doesn't necessarily mean Jesus is with you. He is not welcome in many churches today. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus said "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
To be continued.
----------------------------------------------------------
Brother Yun is coming to Sydney this Sunday!
He is behind "The Heavenly Man".
I wanted to type out an excerpt from his autobiography explaining the iron bar non-surrender of the Western world. I don't care how harsh this is. You and I both need to hear this.
-------------------------------------------------------------
From page 296:
Many pastors in Europe and America have told me they want to see great revival. I'm frequently asked why China is experiencing revival but most places in the West are not. This is a big question to answer, but some reasons are very apparent to me.
When I'm in the West I see all the mighty church buildings and all the expensive equipment, plush carpets and state-of-the-art sound systems. I can assure the Western church with absolute certainty that you don't need any more church buildings. Church buildings will never bring the revival you seek. The pursuit of more possessions will never bring revival. Jesus truly stated, "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15.
The first thing needed to return to your churches is the Word of the Lord. God's Word is missing. Sure, there are many preachers and tapes and videos of Bible teaching, but so little contains that sharp truth of God's Word. It's the truth that will set you free.
Not only is knowledge of God's Word missing, but obedience to that Word. There's not much action taking place.
When revival came to believers in China, the result was thousands of evangelists being sent out to all corners of the nation, carrying fire from the altar of God with them. When God moves in the West, it seems you want to stop and enjoy His presence and blessings too long, and build an altar to your experiences.
You can never really know the Scriptures until you're willing to be changed by them.
All genuine revivals of the Lord result in believers responding with action and soul winning. When God truly moves in your heart you cannot remain silent. There will be a fire in your bones, like Jeremiah, who said, "His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9.
Furthermore, it's only when we step out in obedience and share the gospel with people that we come to know God's blessing in every are of our lives. That is why the Apostle Paul wrote to his co-worker Philemon, "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ." Philemon 6.
I've seen people in Western churches worshipping as if they're already in heaven. Then someone invariably brings a comforting message like "My children, I love you. Don't be afraid, I am with you." I'm not opposed to such words, but why is it that nobody seems to hear a Word from the Lord like "My child, I want to send you to the slums of Asia or the darkness of Africa to be my messenger to people dying of their sin"?
Multitudes of church members in the West are satisfied with giving their minimum to God, not their maximum. I've watched men and women during offering time in church. They open their fat wallets and search for the smallest amount they can give. This type of attitude will never do! Jesus gave his whole life for us, and we give as little of our lives, time and money as we can back to God. What a disgrace! Repent!
This may sound strange, but I even miss the offerings we used to give in China. On numerous occasions the leader of a meeting would announce, "We have a new worker who is leaving tomorrow to serve the Lord." Immediately every single person would completely empty their pockets of everything they had. With that money the worker would buy a train or bus ticket and leave the next day.
Often this money was not just everything we had in our pockets at the time, but everything we owned in the whole world.
Just because you have a church building doesn't necessarily mean Jesus is with you. He is not welcome in many churches today. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus said "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."
To be continued.
----------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, April 3, 2010
dreaming
The writer dreams, always. One's livelihood depends upon it. I stopped writing because I stopped dreaming about the things I felt were write-worthy subjects. Poetry, I walked with, merely out of sloth.
I thought it appropriate to make a list of things I dream about. The Lord is doing a lot in me.
I dream of freedom around my guitar.
I dream of decorating my beautiful, completely paid for, house.
I dream of hosting dinner parties/luncheons/breakfasts joyfully and without stress.
I dream of touring the world with my band.
I dream of recording at Abbey Road studios.
I dream of being worthy of La Blogotheque videos.
I dream of the discernment to see into people's hearts.
I dream of the day I'll be able to recite entire books of the Bible.
I dream of being a revered musician on the world scale.
I dream of speaking into people's lives, knowing my words are straight from the Father.
I dream of knowing loopholes in the legal system to know how to best advocate for someone who really needs that advocate.
I dream of being able to say "it's water under the bridge" and "it's water off a duck's back" and mean it in my life.
I dream of the crowd that sits cross-legged on the floor and hangs on every word I say.
I dream of singing on a public train with my band before passengers-turned-captivated audience.
I dream of the day I am entrusted with a child who did not come into the world through me, and am deemed ready to love them and keep them.
I dream of being that lovely, wrinkly old woman with every bit of wisdom and love oozing out of her.
I dream of knowing.
I dream of the house I can invite everyone over to, and the gift of hospitality to complement it.
I dream of writing [good] short stories again.
I dream of looking beyond myself, and not being limited to the shortness of my capabilities.
I dream of a better, more loving, more giving, wiser, kinder, version of myself for the people in my life.
I dream of old wood and tan leather arm chairs to adorn my house.
I dream of cheaper lomography film.
I thought it appropriate to make a list of things I dream about. The Lord is doing a lot in me.
I dream of freedom around my guitar.
I dream of decorating my beautiful, completely paid for, house.
I dream of hosting dinner parties/luncheons/breakfasts joyfully and without stress.
I dream of touring the world with my band.
I dream of recording at Abbey Road studios.
I dream of being worthy of La Blogotheque videos.
I dream of the discernment to see into people's hearts.
I dream of the day I'll be able to recite entire books of the Bible.
I dream of being a revered musician on the world scale.
I dream of speaking into people's lives, knowing my words are straight from the Father.
I dream of knowing loopholes in the legal system to know how to best advocate for someone who really needs that advocate.
I dream of being able to say "it's water under the bridge" and "it's water off a duck's back" and mean it in my life.
I dream of the crowd that sits cross-legged on the floor and hangs on every word I say.
I dream of singing on a public train with my band before passengers-turned-captivated audience.
I dream of the day I am entrusted with a child who did not come into the world through me, and am deemed ready to love them and keep them.
I dream of being that lovely, wrinkly old woman with every bit of wisdom and love oozing out of her.
I dream of knowing.
I dream of the house I can invite everyone over to, and the gift of hospitality to complement it.
I dream of writing [good] short stories again.
I dream of looking beyond myself, and not being limited to the shortness of my capabilities.
I dream of a better, more loving, more giving, wiser, kinder, version of myself for the people in my life.
I dream of old wood and tan leather arm chairs to adorn my house.
I dream of cheaper lomography film.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Dialogue Series: Flame Licker
http://www.myspace.com/jessicasantosa
A song about the freeing nature of the truth, and truth is fire. I wonder if I can take this fire and eat it, where it can burn, beautiful in my belly.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
on display
1. Check out www.myspace.com/mcraftmusic
"I Got Nobody Waiting For Me" is beautiful and lonely. I am addicted to the banjo hook which articulates the very notes of a yearning soul. I want to put this on repeat and re-live the time I saw him live at Oxford Arts Factory. Truly magical. He was so natural and smooth a player.
I confess, my exposure to Martin Craft was through my ex-producer, who is related to him! He told me that Martin quit uni and earned a living working in the pubs before he made it big. It kind of scares me. Indie artists work their bums off before they can make their first passion their livelihood. Alas I trust God - he stoked the fire and will snuff it out if he wishes I cease my pursuit of this for Him.
2. I performed today in the Edward Ford building at USYD. A new song called "The War", it was about a really close friend of mine experiencing one of her first major bouts of spiritual battle. I will get it ready and record it at the studio once I've completed the arrangement. She really loved it when she heard it. Her smile and her response was all that really mattered to me.
After all this recording and writing, theory learning and practicing, I found myself anxious to perform again. After I put my guit down I remembered why I love it so much - I have permission to let it all out. It is a safe forum - a song, I mean. It allows the responder to enjoy, or be confused, or cry or just relax, while you get to have your outlet. It is my therapy and I am so happy I have been given the gift of songwriting to heal, learn, grow, stick it to the man, ponder, think...
A lyric sample:
I do not trust in my own bow
I prefer Yours
To impale my demons and foes
And ride on their corpses
Crucify the argument
We expressed in our heads
Gauge it out with Your bayonet
If it means that I'll stop the disbelief altogether...
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