we need each other

Paul (Rhodes) and I performed together for the first time today - twice - one in the morn at his church, and one in the evening at my church.

I have gigged alone and successfully before, and felt like there was no one to share my extreme joy with. Today and tonight it was with him and I feel like I can finally smile and squeal in delight without feeling like I am doing it all for the self-glory. There is so much of a high I get with performing, or music worship leading or practising with other people. I wonder if music is a way some people vent in melodic, chordal, unspoken-but-sung terms. It's a physical expression of the heart, of the body, of the mind and my soul is, right now - absolutely exuberantly joyful.

Can I freely admit something?
I love it when people enjoy my music. I love it when they are suspended to me, when they are lost in the music I am sharing with them. I love it because I have been suspended by other musicians before, who have freely and so beautifully shared their music with me and touched my heart. To be frank, it gives me a break from life.

So, I publicly announced that my EP will be released in February. People are anticipating it. I am committed to this and I want to deliver. I have been having this conversation with myself about - why do I want to record an EP as a child of God, with me singing on it to words I have written myself... here are some conclusions:

- I want to remember what God taught me in this season of my life (the past 2-3 years), esp. when I am 50 and have my own kids. I want to share about my young adulthood with them, about all the amazing things God taught and showed me.

- I am working towards being a professional singer/songwriter and artist, and without a record of my songs I may be less credible to the non-believing musos I want to reach out to.

- It is a dream I've had for ages and it would be awesome to finally see it come to completion!

- I hope to be the CD people put on when they want to have quiet time with God.

Jesus-- How can I love and obey you as a musician? In my gut I feel it's not enough to serve on the worship band within a church building. Make sure you keep me steadfast on You, anchored in You, that I keep bearing fruit and may this EP bear lots of fruit. And thank you for providing Paul. I hope it's the start of a strong friendship where he's on his knees in love with You and in a place where he can't stop praising You.

And thank you Lord, that I may be a songwriter that even Christians see as enjoyable and put in their iPods instead of music that don't set their minds on things above... thank you for today. I feel like I see you in the freedom that singing gives me...

amen.