travelling.

I am leaving for Phnom Penh, the Cambodian capital, on Monday night. First time travelling alone.

Check out http://www.daughtersofcambodia.org to see a little of what I'll be doing there.

In preparation for this trip, the events in my life that have led up to this have produced such revelations from Father:

• Australia, UK, Cambodia, China, Kenya - wherever you are, you will always be part of an International picture. Your work in this life and world does not start until you realise this.
• There is no better place to be than in His will. It is privilege to sit here and talk about going. I am not necessary at Daughters and probably never will be, but that's just it, I am there to learn about poverty and why the sex trade exists, and what it has done to humanity. I can't think of a better way to spend my post-degree November!
• You have a university degree. Good on you. You may not think it's a huge deal, but from a global perspective, many kids can't even afford primary school.
• Having held this view for a long time, and waiting for someone to prove me wrong, I am going to share it boldly: Travelling overseas when you are spiritually in the "build" stages of your faith, as opposed to being "sent" to share the gospel, is highly dangerous. E.g. A second year uni student who is actively involved in the spiritual movement on campus, decides she wants to do exchange in Germany. She does not prioritise the setting up of spiritual supports - a church, a Bible study, godly people who will be there with her and walking with her. In fact, thinking you need less support than more is always an opportunity for the devil to prey on you. There is no one to catch you when you fall. No one to tell you to not get involved with that really cute German guy who just asked you out at the cafe! for example.
• Physical environment does dramatically change, and yes, you set up new routine molding oneself around your place. However, your friends back home are only an internet connection away. They are still involved in your life if you let them, and you are still involved in theirs if you invite yourself in!
• Mission trips are funny things. Many Christians go on about the work they do, which is great. But who is your first love again? The point is - what does Father want to teach you about Him in this new space? Why has He brought you here? The world is His, He created everything in it. The 'work' that 'you do' does not stop when you hop on a plane back home, it keeps going, wherever you are! Because, the reality is, you are in a forever-relationship with Father, transcending all barriers of location and time. He is with you wherever you are.

My food - is every word that comes out of the Father's mouth, and to do His will, because He sent me.

stand up for yourself.

Had a male patient at work, 42 years, with mental health issues, stand over the front desk staring at me. He had no reason to. As an avid ex-feminist, human rights activist and pro-assertion person (especially in regards to women standing up for themselves), I let him get away with intimidating me. I knew he loved the power he had, the power I let him have over me. I hate myself for it. Why didn't I assert myself and say "No, it's not ok with me that you stand and lean over the desk like that. Maybe you could go and stand elsewhere, like over there, perhaps?"

I guess as it was my last day, I thought it a battle not worth fighting. Also, there was a mum with her bub in the waiting room and I didn't want him to cause a scene. I am still brooding though. I need to pray about this.

---------------------

My whole life I have blamed other people who have hurt me. Yes, for that time it was their fault. They were meant to raise me to become an independent, confident woman in her own right, and instead they allowed great suffering to come my way. A few years on, after thousands of reflective conversations, journal entries, and songs written, I realise their inherent fallibility.

A survivor-in-life friend of mine had said, "how can you expect people to see your wound when they can't even see their own?". Pertinent and perfectly articulate of this.

As women, we need to:

- Run to Jesus as our only authority and truth. He is perfection, no one else is. For years I had been living a lie, thinking that I needed to say yes to all people's requests and demands, or else they would not love me, or I would be a failure of a daughter and friend. When I learned that this was not the Father's will, it set me free.

- Fall in the loving arms of Father. Cultivate a beautiful dependency on Him. It was what you were made for. He is completely trustworthy and holds all the wisdom in the universe. Ask Him for it.

- Practice assertion and boundary setting. Once you know what is true and what is a lie, you can be confident in your "no" and in your "yes". Practice on people who are growing with you. If you are a personal friend of mine, practice saying 'no' to me! You are also not responsible for their response to you. You are only responsible for yourself.

- Surround yourself with all types of godly people. I used to have a really distorted view of men and relationships. It wasn't until I joined Student Life, a Christian movement on campus that I met amazing godly guys who showed me how a woman should be treated. I am now dating a really great guy who put much thought and prayer into pursuing me. He is so great that I now understand and embrace all those passages about submission!

Pauls, Barnabases and Timothies.

P - Do you have a spiritual mentor? Seek one out at your church. I did, and now we are about to launch a whole mentoring program!

B - Who is walking with you spiritually and on the same journey as you are? The lens which you look at the world should be Jesus's. You will share these experiences together, talking about how you both dealt with them, and how you can continue to be the aroma of Christ to the world.

T - Who are you spiritually influencing? This is hard sometimes, I know. But never think you are not influencing anybody. Younger Christians are always watching you.

- Protect your time with God. I should have started with this, but empty yourself before Him, before receiving what He has to say to you. At some points in time I feel so busy but an attitude of "I'm too busy NOT to pray" reminds you that apart from Him you really can do nothing.

Without quality time with God, we end up merely existing and not living. If our relationship with Jesus is eternal, then He is the reality. Prayer and the Word is a reminder of our belonging to Him and our eternity in Heaven.

Functionality, the god.

[fuhn-zchion]

Jaw is sore.
Doctor diagnoses as "...cause of stress, fatigue"
Teeth gritted to finish the job
A job well done
Job = done well.

Three people:
Leader. Follower. Slacker.
Enmass, machination
Teeth gritted (right down) to complete the job.
A job well done.
Job = done really well.

You will take the phones
While I, the banking
And you(th) to scan out the back there is a problem?
Problem. Problem.
We solve it, and then it's a
job well done.
Job = done brilliantly well.

--------------------------------------------

Enough of you do not deal with the wound.
There is a problem. You ignore it. You smile and you are polite and you make small talk but you do not deal with the problem.
This is incredibly, desperately, damaging.
Pick your battles. Be assertive and not aggressive. Anger is a valid emotion, but (with)in your anger do not sin. This is difficult, but we'll get there.

Too many of you worship Functionality, the god.
The god who lets someone continue in ignorance for the sake of not stepping on toes.
The god who smiles politely to mask deep, gaping wounds.
The god who has become so great at putting on a mask you are the social link-up.

Functionality has made you a fake.

This is not life. This is bondage to your own ideas of self preservation, when Christ came and died and was resurrected so you could live your life filled with non-agenda'd, love-for-the-sake-of-love for others.

-------------------------

My best friends and I are going to spend a weekend away crying.
It is the best idea we've had all year.
Then one of us will get married.

Three confident, gorgeous, highly functional women in the eyes of the world:
A first class honours graduate in a corporate job.
A high school dux, multi-lingual, highly versed bride-to-be.
And me, the indie muso and soon to be social work graduate.

What do you say, that the Lord sees only sleet and His justification,

The resume blows away like chaff
And what is left?