stand up for yourself.

Had a male patient at work, 42 years, with mental health issues, stand over the front desk staring at me. He had no reason to. As an avid ex-feminist, human rights activist and pro-assertion person (especially in regards to women standing up for themselves), I let him get away with intimidating me. I knew he loved the power he had, the power I let him have over me. I hate myself for it. Why didn't I assert myself and say "No, it's not ok with me that you stand and lean over the desk like that. Maybe you could go and stand elsewhere, like over there, perhaps?"

I guess as it was my last day, I thought it a battle not worth fighting. Also, there was a mum with her bub in the waiting room and I didn't want him to cause a scene. I am still brooding though. I need to pray about this.

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My whole life I have blamed other people who have hurt me. Yes, for that time it was their fault. They were meant to raise me to become an independent, confident woman in her own right, and instead they allowed great suffering to come my way. A few years on, after thousands of reflective conversations, journal entries, and songs written, I realise their inherent fallibility.

A survivor-in-life friend of mine had said, "how can you expect people to see your wound when they can't even see their own?". Pertinent and perfectly articulate of this.

As women, we need to:

- Run to Jesus as our only authority and truth. He is perfection, no one else is. For years I had been living a lie, thinking that I needed to say yes to all people's requests and demands, or else they would not love me, or I would be a failure of a daughter and friend. When I learned that this was not the Father's will, it set me free.

- Fall in the loving arms of Father. Cultivate a beautiful dependency on Him. It was what you were made for. He is completely trustworthy and holds all the wisdom in the universe. Ask Him for it.

- Practice assertion and boundary setting. Once you know what is true and what is a lie, you can be confident in your "no" and in your "yes". Practice on people who are growing with you. If you are a personal friend of mine, practice saying 'no' to me! You are also not responsible for their response to you. You are only responsible for yourself.

- Surround yourself with all types of godly people. I used to have a really distorted view of men and relationships. It wasn't until I joined Student Life, a Christian movement on campus that I met amazing godly guys who showed me how a woman should be treated. I am now dating a really great guy who put much thought and prayer into pursuing me. He is so great that I now understand and embrace all those passages about submission!

Pauls, Barnabases and Timothies.

P - Do you have a spiritual mentor? Seek one out at your church. I did, and now we are about to launch a whole mentoring program!

B - Who is walking with you spiritually and on the same journey as you are? The lens which you look at the world should be Jesus's. You will share these experiences together, talking about how you both dealt with them, and how you can continue to be the aroma of Christ to the world.

T - Who are you spiritually influencing? This is hard sometimes, I know. But never think you are not influencing anybody. Younger Christians are always watching you.

- Protect your time with God. I should have started with this, but empty yourself before Him, before receiving what He has to say to you. At some points in time I feel so busy but an attitude of "I'm too busy NOT to pray" reminds you that apart from Him you really can do nothing.

Without quality time with God, we end up merely existing and not living. If our relationship with Jesus is eternal, then He is the reality. Prayer and the Word is a reminder of our belonging to Him and our eternity in Heaven.