I have a pet sin.
It separates me from God.
I wrote a song about it
entitled "White Puffy Cloud".
The Bible says:
The wages of sin is death..
(Romans 6:23)
I will die because of this sin.
It is re-occurring, ever enticing,
always beckoning me to give in.
It has been going on for so long
that it has developed a mind of its own
It is a room in my life that I haven't given God the keys to
I wrote the song so long ago
I guess I was admitting defeat
or
Admitting that I had a problem.
Want to feed the enemy?
Just surrender.
(2006)
Just surrender.
I have done this, but not to the One who
rightly deserves my surrender.
This sin
has become so bad
I feel the Holy Spirit
telling me to
STOP
when I am in the act.
And what I hate
most
is how so many
people
have tried to
help
me but to no
avail.
Sin's Mind is
too
strong and I am
too
far in, too
drawn in.
I can't stop because I still
love sin
and
Jesus had to
die
just because of
ME.
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5 comments:
I can totally empathise, Jess. In fact, a big part of my decision to no longer actively pursue a relationship with God was that I was sick of fighting that battle with my biggest sin.
I, too, wrote a song about it... but mine wasn't as cool as yours, but it was more metal. :-) Never really got good enough at playing the riffs or singing to actually record it, though.
But anyway, I finally tired of going into battle to inevitable defeat. I might have made minor inroads towards God's territory, but I always felt like ultimately Satan was pushing me back, despite my best efforts, and my most earnest pleas to my supposed saviour.
How can I continue to trust and place my life in the hands of one who seems to fail me so spectacularly? Surely such a being is not worthy of handing the keys to my soul to.
The upside, for me at least, at the current point in time, is that my love of sin is a lot less torturous now that I no longer claim to be a Christian. If anything, I feel freer without that constant feeling of inadequacy, and fighting my own deep-seated desires. So, in this place without God, in this season in my life, I am happier than I have been when claiming to follow Him. So I cannot see an end to such a period in sight. Maybe one day.
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